Champions

Did Pat Gillick know that Brad Lidge was not going to blow a single save when he signed him? Because, shit, that's what happened!

Lidge got save number 48 (out of 48) and the Phils TCOB tonight, with Golden Cole taking home some sort of automobile as the 2008 World Series MVP. Sports website ESPN.com had a picture of Ryan Howard, his brawny arms stretched upward hoisting the holy hardware that is the World Series trophy. FOX's postgame interview featured Jeannie (two N's?) Zolasko interviewing a gap-toothed and gangsta-articulate Jimmy Rollins with 45-year-old who-just-lectured-his-daughter-about-the-dangers-of-unprotected-sex Jamie Moyer throwing an arm over his shoulder.

Nothing much was made of Chase Utley, and his fake n' throw to home plate in the 7th, which should be considered the greatest fielding play in modern World Series history when all the dust settles. The dust, of course, being the preoccupation with mafioso Allan "Bud" Selig and Mother "Whore" Nature. Don't let these factors obscure the precious reality:

The Philadelphia Phillies are World Champions. Meaning, we own China, Columbia, Bratislava, and even Spanish Harlem. The word "Phillies" still shows up as misspelled in the blogger type box. Bull SHIT. That will change soon.

Tampa Bay's young players (who they will never be able to sign in 3-4 years) should feel no shame in losing to the true Team of Destiny. The brash Rays got hot and beat the Red Sox, and then choked in the Final, their cockiness undone and their inexperience exposed. More was made of David Price than Sarah Palin's wardrobe in recent weeks, and nincompoops like the oddly employed Fernando Vina on ESPN insisted that the real story in MLB this year was the "emergence" of the Rays.

So with disrespect coming from all sides (Peter Gammons declaring this the worst World Series ever, non-stop coverage about the Rays' "miracle" season), I feel like it's worth noting to everyone in the Chicago, Boston, and Anaheim area codes:

The Phils would have beaten you, too.



Yeah... The Phillies. With their Lights Out closer and their incredibly clutch Ace. Don't forget our #2, Mr. Myers, who spends his off days shooting machine guns to take his mind off shooting moving human targets. But maybe the biggest performance came from Joe Blanton, with his bulldog approach to the mound AND the plate in a crucial Game 4 victory. Blanton, with his Sonic the Hedgehog haircut and differently colored goatee, was the Phillies "prized" mid-season acquisition.

Yes, the quotation marks denote sarcasm. People in Philly were flabbergasted when the Phillies opted to trade for Fat Joe over elite starters Rich Harden and CC Sabathia. Those guys ended up pitching for the Cubs and Brewers respectively, and can currently be found at a golf course or strip club near you.

Speaking of Sabathia.. time to get to the 1st Shane Victorino mention of the night. Here's why Shane Victorino is MVP:

1) Buffalo Solja's grand slam vs CC in Game 2 got the the Phaithful (me included) believing. First grand slam in Fightin' Phils playoff history.

2) His mojo-injecting 2-run homer off Derek Lowe in the 7th inning of Game 4 of the NLCS not only tied the game, but was probably the greatest home run in Phillies history. If Shane doesn't hit that ball out, Manny Ramirez brings the trophy to Hollywood and loses it in a pile of dirty laundry.

3) He drove in the first 2 runs of the clinching Game 5a/5b. Throw in his perfect fielding and jovial spirit and you have yourself the 2008 Playoff MVP.

Others worth mentioning: Chooch Ruiz, Peter Happy, and JC Romero.. Latino contingent getting it done. Jayson Werth, who can now resume his double life as the lead singer of Creed. Ryan Madson, who makes the FOX speedometer sizzle. Pat Burrell and Jimmy Rollins, who have been in the Illadelph since Y2K. Ryan Howard, who is what every little boy in America should want to be.

The Will of our City overpowered Milwaukee, Los Angeles, Tampa/St.Petersburg, Major League Baseball, News Corp, and Mother Nature. A shadowy curse 25 years in the making is revealed to be nothing more than a prelude, and a ball club 126 years in the record books tastes its second sip of champagne.

Congratulations, Charlie Manuel and the 2008 Philadelphia Phillies.

And thank you. Thank you so much.

Why Can't Us?

When Shane Victorino hit the 2-run homer that tied Game 4 of the NLCS vs. the Dodgers, the exuberant Hawaiian pointed to the sky and at a stunned Dodger Stadium crowd as he rounded first base. Despite the incredible significance of his clutch shot, Victorino was ragged by his teammates for the unnecessary gesture. It was a little too amateur, a little too Jose Reyes, for this polished Phillies group.

So when Jayson Werth launched the cowhide high into the warm October sky, he too spread his pterodactyl wings and pointed up to the stands as he crossed first. Back in the dugout, he was greeted by none other than Victorino, who playfully jabbed a finger in the air and asked, "What's up there?"

"A whole lotta people," replied big J Werth, as he rubbed the little bald man's head.

Yes. A whole lotta deliriously happy people who are on the verge of creating national headlines: "PHILADELPHIA IN FLAMES!!!"

The crowd was already on fire after Ryan Howard finally ended the World Series of Choking with his opposite field blast in the 4th and put the Phillies up for good. Howard the ticking time bomb had finally gone off, and the hour of emancipation grew closer yet.

But that's it for this blog post because...... you know.

Soak It In

The Philly accents on these guys is classic. The previous sentence is grammatically correct, Philly style. Yep, this is pretty much what it's all about.

RELAX!!!

This is for you guys! (specifically: Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Pat Burrell)

Cole Hard Facts

Winning that first World Series game is like getting your first kiss... you wait 15 years, and then when it happens, it's just as good as you dreamt it to be.

The din from the magical '93 playoff run can finally began to fade now as the '08 Phillies seem hell bent on fulfilling their own destiny. Last night was super sweet for sure. The 100th win of the season begin to crystallize before the first pitch, when the remaining sober members of the Backstreet Boys disgraced Tampa Bay, Philadelphia, and our national pasttime with their fruity rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. Surely, World Series baseball was not meant to be played in western Florida.

Another good sign was when living legend MICHAEL JACK SCHMIDT introduced the Phils' lineup. The hall-of-famer embodies class and and exudes grace, and just the sight of him was enough to give me chills. Then, the Rays lined up for roll call and introduced themselves like it was "Global Guts." It may have been FOX's worst idea since that dancing football robot that everybody hates.

Chutley's 2-run slice job was all Hamels, Madson, and Lidge needed to guide the Fightin's to the ever crucial Game 1 victory. It almost was a bunt single down the left field line, as Joe Scorcese opted to put the Howard shift on for Chase. If he was as smart as his glasses make him look, he would have put his fielders in the right field seats.

The Phils' aggressiveness backfired when Shane Vic was thrown out at home after tagging up on that pop fly, but it sent a message. We came to play. We came to win. And even when he's not hitting grand slams or making leaping catches, Buffalo Soldier still finds a way to lay a hit on somebody. Attaboy Shane.

About the only negative to be drawn from this game was the glaring 0-13 line with runners in scoring position. Ryan Howard looks like he just rolled out of bed, but he still has a few games to find that home run swing that's been missing through 10 playoff games. With righty James Shields on the mound tonight, look for the Big Boy to go Coco Crisp on his ass.

Tonight's score: 8-6 Phillies. Myers hits Longoria in the head (by accident) and then strikes him out 3 times. Pat Butt goes deep. And if you haven't checked ESPN yet, they stole the title from me.

Why The Phillies Will Win... In 5

Now that I got the obligatory "respect" post out of the way, it's time to reveal what I REALLY think. Like you didn't see this coming.

Here are 5 reasons, descending in order of importance, why the Phillies will win their 2nd World Series title in franchise history. Some of these are fact-based, some are simply naive speculation, and some are omens gleaned from other Philly sports writers.

5. Home field advantage: Cowbells vs. the Liberty Bell. While the Rays "earned" the right to have 4 out of the 7 games played at their concrete encased aquarium, it's more than likely that half of those fans haven't been to a Rays game this season - if ever in their lives. Hardly an advantage. On the other hand, the Rays will be playing in front of 40,000+ of the best fans in all of baseball, who have yet to see the Phillies lose at home this postseason. And if the Rays think that playing in Chicago and Boston prepared them for Philadelphia, well, they're in for a rude introduction.

4. The National League is due: To quote Jim Caple, the self-appointed asshole who writes for ESPN.com, the Rays will win for no other reason than the fact they play in the American League. Seriously, that's the only reason behind his prediction of a Rays sweep: ( http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/playoffs2008/news/story?id=3656901 ) While the NL has had its ass handed to it repeatedly the last 15 years or so, there's no denying the senior circuit is the "good guy" in this equation. It's still the Pure league, free from the DH, free from evil franchises like the Yankees and Red Sox, and free from the sense of entitlement which will doom the Rays - and the American League - this October.

3. Shane Victorino: When you're from Hawaii, and your official pump-up music is "Buffalo Solder," you tend not to get caught up in the mainland hoopla. Shane delivered big time vs. the Brewers with his TKO grand salami off Sabathia that effectively ended that series. Once again, he came up huge vs. LA with a 2-run shot that tied game 4, and set the stage for Matt Stairs to climb the steps of my heart. Expect nothing less this time around.

2. Omens: The last (and only) time the Phillies won the WS was in '80, and their closer was Tug McGraw, #45. This time around, the year is '08 and their closer is #54 Brad Lidge. In '80, my father sported a mustache. In '08, I have a wicked neckbeard. It all adds up.

1. Cole Hamels: The best pitcher in this World Series series is the dude whose nerdly approach to pitching belies his fashion model looks. There's no way you're 24 years old and left-handed with a playmate wife and DON'T win the World Series. Yes, Cole is truly man-crush worthy.. not that there's anything wrong with that.


There you have it. Five reasons the Phillies will win in 5 and send us running naked down Broad Street.

Flo-Rida: Blow-blow-blow-blow-blow-blow-blow-blow-blows

The Phillies are in the World Series for the first time 1993, and this is my first blog post since they clinched the division about 3 weeks ago. I'm feeling a lot of pressure... pressure to write the right thing, pressure not to forget anything, and pressure not to jinx a team on the verge of breaking a 25 year old "curse" in the City of Brotherly Love.

A younger, more emotional Philistine would have flooded blank pages, radio airwaves, and dinnertime conversation with torrents of premature hoopla and mockery of the upcoming opponent. This, apparently, angered the Sports Gods (See: Flyers '08, Eagles '04, Eagles '03, Eagles '02, Eagles '01, Sixers '01, Flyers '97, etc. etc. etc.) So now, while my well-compensated contemporaries write bios on Pat the Bat and King Cole Hamels in Pennsylvania periodicals, I'm going to do the unthinkable and show some love and respect for the Phillies' worthy adversary, the Tampa Bay Gays.

Uhh.. Rays.

The Tampa Bay franchise came into existence in 1998 as the "Devil Rays." Playing their home games in a stadium named after a juice drink, in front of crowds that made Major League Soccer look good, the Rays were annually the worst team in all of baseball. The Red Sox and Yankees reigned atop the American League East every year from 1998 to 2007, and the Tampa / St. Petersburg area did little more than provide beach time and good fishing for opposing players. It seemed Major League Baseball would have been better off letting Mark Cuban build a team in Mexico City.


WTF?
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Then, a funny thing happened. The Devil Rays, consistently near the bottom of the standings and thus atop of the draft order every year, were able to slowly accrue a glut of young talent. Year after year, Tampa Bay filled its minor league system with prodigious weapons at an alarming rate. Boston and New York, accustomed to being able to outspend the competition, could not have foreseen the seismic shift that was about to shake the foundations of baseball's capitalist tradition. In late 2007, Tampa Bay dropped the useless "Devil" prefix and.. BOOM.. all of a sudden, had one of the lowest paid, yet most talented, teams in all of baseball. Sometimes, it's good to be bad.

The RAYS burst out of the gate in 2008, and never looked back. They won 97 games (just like the '93 Phillies) and posted the best home record in all of baseball. (Who knew playing in front of 10,000 retirees and 5th graders on field trips could be an advantage?) The rotation is headed by Red Sox killer Scott Kazmir, James Shields (got his ass beat by a man named after a breakfast cereal, but is actually a very good pitcher), and ALCS MVP Matt Garza. Their lineup features its own version of Philly's Big Four:

* BJ Upton (CF, age 24): The #2 overall pick in 2005 hit 9 homers in 145 regular season games this year. He's already hit 7 dingers in 14 postseason games. Scares me more than any other Ray.

* Carl Crawford (LF, age 27) He has been in Tampa since 2002, and is a Jimmy Rollins-type player for the Rays. Gets on base and wreaks havoc. Could have gone pro in football, basketball, or baseball (was recruited to be the QB at Nebraska). Now that's an athlete.

* Carlos Pena (1B, age 30): The #10 overall pick in 1998 hit 41 homers in 2007, and is the veteran leader of this pre-pubescent team.

* Evan Longoria (3B, age 23): This rookie stud (drafted #3 overall in 2006) is already the best 3B in baseball. Homered in 4 STRAIGHT GAMES in the ALCS. Will one day be more famous than Eva Longoria. Very scary.



Those 4 bats will be counted on to puts runs on the board for the Rays. Then, there is David Price. Drafted #1 overall in 2007, this 6'6 lefty has a devastating arsenal of pitches that turned Red Sox postseason magic into October dust. He will be called upon to get the left-handed hitting Utley and Howard out late in games.



My boozing, baseball-loving brethren: it has come down to this. The Fightin' Phils, our heroes in the red pinstripes, a franchise that dates back to the Chester A. Arthur administration, will take on the "Tampa Bay Rays" for the 2008 World Series - a team that possesses an awesome, if not quite ripe, bunch of talent.

But it takes more than talent to win the World Series. It takes timing, luck, momentum... and good karma.

Good luck, Tampa Bay.. and GAME ON, bitches.

Why We Watch

The best part about all the Phillies games I saw this year (in Philly, at Shea, on TV at the bar, on TV at the bar, on my laptop) was that it was not a total waste of time.

In case you missed it, the Fightin' Phils clinched the National League East on Saturday, putting up win #91 and making the question of what the idiots at Shea were up to totally irrelevant. The Mets, as it turned out, lost their final game to Florida on Sunday, and will not be in the Playoffs.

The temptation to write about the Mets collapse is almost unbearable. After getting kicked out of that game at Shea, my good-natured bellicosity towards the team and fans turned into a justified vigilante renegade jihad shitstorm of fury. But it's almost too hard to really hate Los Mets fans, because... ouch, that's gotta hurt. I feel bad for you Mets nerds, but that's what you get for buying stock in crumbling geezers like Pedro, Moises Alou, Billy Wagner, etc.

But enough about the New York Mess; this is all about Los Filis de Filadelfia. The Phils' final record of 92-70 is their best regular season mark since the magical 1993 season, when they went 97-65 and made it to the World Series. That Phillies squad probably had more consistent starting pitching, with Curt Schilling, Tommy Greene, Danny Jackson, and Terry Mulholland manning the rotation. But the overall talent level on THIS Phillies team, which has now won back-to-back pennants for the 1st time since '80-'81, is considerably higher.

The roster is largely homegrown, with it's core group of stars reaching the peak of their abilities at the same time. Hamels and Myers (when they have their stuff) are as formidable a front-end combo as any in the Majors. Jamie Moyer pitches around the same speed as a pre-pubescent middle school softball player, but he's the man who won the division-clinching game for the Phils 2 years in a row now. In the Playoffs, you need 3 reliable starters to win a series. The Phillies have that.

Below: The 74 year old Moyersaurus


Brade Lidge deserves some Cy Young consideration, after posting a perfect 41-for-41 season saving games. That's amazing! There were many, MANY sticky situations, but Lidge got it done time and time again. The 8th inning proved to be a trouble spot after the All Star break, with the loss of washed up insurance salesman Tom Gordon (probably my favorite scapegoat of all time) proving to be vital. If the starters can eat up at least 6 innings, J.C. Romero and Ryan Madson will be a big part of the bridge to Lidge.

The lineup has many weapson, including an absolute monster named Ryan Howard. The 2-time National League MVP (I'm going to go ahead and award it now) pretty much carried the Phillies through September, hitting bomb after bomb to left center, the upper deck in right, and Camden, NJ.


Howard's September Numbers: .345 Ave. 11 HRs. 32 RBIs. .851 slugging. 1.267 OPS. Ridiculous.

To beat Milwaukee, and beyond, the Phillies need excellence from everyone from Charlie Manuel to Tadohito Iguchi / So Taguchi. It's going to take good at-bats from Pat Burrell, base-stealing from Shane Victorino, and not-striking-out from Howard and Werth. But that's for the next blog post. For now:

THE PHILLIES WIN THE PENNANT, BIOTCH

Cockroaches... Everywhere

They were looking at me funny on the subway this morning, as if they knew I was still wearing the same clothes from last night. Schoolchildren and jobless i-bankers alike stared at me with equal parts curiosity and fear. Maybe it was because my eyes were as bloodshot as the red hat on my head, but it probably had something to do with my t-shirt that read: "Dallas Sucks... T.O. Swallows." (Ask Tony Romo... it's true)

New Yorkers, welcome to the Philadelphia State of Mind.

All the Mets-bashing this summer was just time-wasting. Ladies and gentlemen, the Cockroaches are back. The Dallas Cowgirls barely beat the Eagles at home last night, in front of thousands of nervous fans and the skeletal remains of Jerry Jones. Jessica Simpson accidentally went to the Astros-Cubs game being played in Milwaukee, and was nowhere to be seen. The pressure was squarely on the shoulders of this over-hyped version of "America's Team," and we let them off the hook.

It was a marquee matchup of two NFL powers in an early season showdown for NFC East bragging rights. As the non-funny bald man Tony Kornheiser put it: "These two teams have to be looking around and saying... Who's better than us?"

The answer to that lies in the next 20 weeks of the NFL regular season and playoffs, a grueling marathon of attrition that leaves only 1 team standing at the end. The Eagles fared well in what will likely be one of their most difficult games of the season. The Cowgirls have to wonder how good they really are, if an 8-8 team without it's 2 starting wide receivers can move the ball as easily as McNabb and Co. did last night.

The game against Pittsburgh next weekend now looms large for the Iggles. If they play like they did last night (sans DeSean Jackson's Leon Lett moment), they're going to beat the Steelers, and most of the teams on their schedule.

T.O. needs to be curb stomped.

Donovan's Last Stand

In the interest of upholding the integrity of prognosticators anywhere, this post should have been made BEFORE the Eagles 38-3 joyride over the hapless Rams. But I didn't get around to it because I'm lazy, and I also had a run in with the Pussycat Dolls this weekend (still brushing my shoulders off).

Seriously, this is quite possibly Donovan McNabb's last season under center as quarterback of our Philadelphia Eagles. But the Syracuse legend and the greatest quarterback in the history of the Philadelphia franchise still can't seem to earn the benefit of the doubt from a fickle, resentful Philly fan majority. The memory of his scatter-brained performance in Super Bowl XXXIX will undoubtedly resonate in our collective subconscious for ages, or at least until the Birds redeem themselves in the Big Show one of these years.

One misstep, one bad game, and #5 will hear the boos from the Philly faithful. A precedent that was established way back at at the 1999 NFL draft continues to echo and haunt the remade quarterback, as his street cred and margin for error shrink with each injury plagued season. But does Donovan really deserve this duplicitous treatment? Honestly, are we better off with Kevin Kolb right now, or were we any better off with Jeff Garcia in '06, or Doug Pederson in '98??



This dude is the best quarterback you have ever seen don the winged helmet, period. Granted, this post is coming after a game that saw D-Mac put up almost 300 yards passing and 3 TD's in the first half alone. We witnessed a Donovan that was not even pretending to be the scrambling impresario that led the Eagles to multiple playoff births earlier in the decade. He trotted out of bounds on multiple occasions, smartly avoiding even the slightest chance of injury. His throws were accurate, his body language confident, his game all around tight and crisp. No chest pounding or pointing to the sky after scores, either. This version of McNabb has been there, done that. Could it be that Donovan has become a true veteran, poised to finally lead this team to the promised land?

McNabb will forever have the benefit of the doubt from this Cuse alum, but the same can't be said for the typical Eagles fan (K, you reading this?). Yes, he does drive me crazy sometimes. His standard bullet-throw-straight-into-the-turf has become a staple of Eagles offensive failures, and he's definitely made the absolute least of an already weak receiving corps at times... crucial times. There is a history of Donovan coming up small in the big games, going back to his underwhelming performance at the '99 Orange Bowl for the Syracuse Orangemen. If you have doubts about McNabb's college career at SU, though, refer to the following Wiki citation:

One of the most decorated athletes in Syracuse University history, McNabb was a four-year starter at quarterback and a reserve on the school's nationally ranked basketball team. On the gridiron, he was named the Big East Conference's offensive player of the decade' for the 1990s, and offensive player of the year an unprecedented three times from 1996-98, as well as the first-team all-conference vote earner in each of his four seasons. Later, he was named to the Syracuse All-Century Football team.



As an Eagle, McNabb already owns or will break virtually every significant passing record. The disappointment from the last three football seasons in Philadelphia has obscured the sparkling highlight plays that McNabb is capable of producing on any given Sunday. He gives us a chance to win against anybody, in any game.

The point is - you're going to miss Donovan McNabb once the Kevin Kolb era starts. You're going to miss the effortless 90 yard bombs to Hank Baskett, or the sound-splitting lasers to whatever other scrubby receiver the Birds are currently employing. Kevin Curtis will be back eventually, and DeSean Jackson is beyond words at this point (post soon to come). When you throw in a healthy LJ Smith, and the always dangerous MVP-caliber Brian Westbrook, you realize that McNabb has quite an underrated arsenal at his disposal.

Next week is the true test in Dallas. Nationally televised game. It makes me think back to 2004, when the Eagles torched and embarrassed the Cowgirls on Monday Night Football, 49-21. McNabb was throwing TD's to TO back in those days, but now Terrell Owens plays for the enemy. The enemy is formidable, and this blogger will be getting rowdy for that game FO SHO.

Eagles 36, Cowboys 28. See you all next week.

"Take That China, You Little Bitch!"

Undoubtedly solving our nation's economic problems and housing crisis from his iPhone, George W. Bush presided over the USA v. China matchup in Beijing on Sunday. Flanked by Daddy Bush and Jerry Colangelo, Dubby was spotted by the NBC cameras pumping his fists gleefully after alley oops and monster jams from LeBron and Co. In an odd twist of fate, I was at home pumping my fist with him, even shouting "Yee-haw, Dubby!" when I saw him pop up on my screen. The USA Men's Sr. National Basketball Team has stirred such a feeling of national pride within me that I even applauded Bush as he left with 7 minutes to go in the blowout victory, waving to the USA Women's Basketball team who reluctantly waved back. Well done, President Bush; America is still the best at something. USA! USA! USA!



The Americans were clearly the more talented side in this lopsided affair, but the game represented much more to the 1.3 billion Chinese citizens, and a USA basketball program in a dire state of disarray. After failing miserably in Athens 2004 (and yes, anything less than Olympic Gold in a sport we invented is failure), Team USA rolled into Beijing packing heat: LeBron. Melo. D-Wade. Dwight Howard. KOBE.

While the Dream Team would probably school these dudes, the "Redeem Team" has what it takes to bring Gold back to the Red White and Blue. And compared to the rest of the Olympic coverage, this team will entertain the shit out of you. You may even remember why you love America.

Just a few observations from the Redeem Team's 1st game:



* LeBron James is the best baller in the World. End of story. Hey, Kobe Bryant is amazing, and a phenomenon on his own right. But you want to tell me that LeBron wouldn't have won 3 rings playing with Shaq in his prime? Kobe is 29, the defending MVP, and at the peak of his physical prowess. But LeBron is 27 days younger than me - 23 - and has already surpassed Kobe in pure athleticism, and is a game-changing force on the court. He is the vocal leader of this team, his boys, my generation. All he has to do is improve that outside shooting and we're looking at the next President of the United States.


* Jim Boeheim on the bench. I love how Jimmy B, the coach of the Syracuse Orangemen hoops team, is Coach K's default sidekick. Or maybe he's just there to keep the pot-smoking, drunk-driving, headband-rocking Carmelo Anthony in check.





* They fucking LOVE basketball in China. Did you see that halftime feature? It seems like every teenage boy in China dons an NBA jersey and styles himself after Lil Bow Wow.




* Chris Bosh looks like a Velociraptor. I've never seen the mascot of a team the dude plays for actually morph said dude's physical appearance. The Toronto Raptors star also bears a strong resemblance to Robbie Mark Sinclair, the awkward teen son in the classic early-90's sitcom, The Dinosaurs.


* Between Deron Williams and Jason Kidd, this team has 1 white guy. JUST AN OBSERVATION. Like David Brent, I'm colorblind, seeing neither color nor race. Oh wait, I forgot about Tayshaun Prince - make that 1.5 white guys.


* Coke commercial is 1st class. LeBron and Yao are perfect global ambassadors for the sport of basketball, and two all-around good guys. The graphics and animation were top notch, and who doesn't love Coke? Globalization is awesome.


* No Iverson = What a huge difference. As the Denver Nuggets are now finding out, AI just ain't a winner. He's a self-aggrandizing asshole who is better suited for the And-1 Mixed Tape Tour than Team USA. With his shoddy play and bickering with Larry Brown at the 2004 Athens games, I blame Iverson FULLY for ending USA's dominant run in international competition.




* I'm buying a USA #15 Carmelo jersey. Done and done.

Karma Is A Bitch, Eh Mets Fans?

The word aren't coming easy right now. I'm still recovering from last night's Phillies Mets game, another epic Phillies comeback that conjured up the magic from the 2007 pennant run. I managed to smuggle in my camera in the hopes of documenting Mets nerds in their natural habitat, the unforgivingly awful Shea Stadium. A friend of mine, who has Mutts season tickets, offered me his seats in the first row of the upper dish, first base side. The pitching matchup was Los Mets ace Johan Santana vs. the Phillies newly acquired hotdog eating champ, Fat Joe Blantana. With the teams tied for first in the National League East, entering the 100th game of the 2008 baseball season, it was a game I could not pass up.

The evening started out in typical Mutts fashion, with a slow 7 train ride through dreary Queens. For Benny Bubbles, it was his first Shit Stadium experience, and for me, perhaps my last.

As expected, we encountered no heckling whatsoever on the train ride. We got to the shit hole a little after 7:00, donning our Philly hats. Mets nerds of all shapes and sizes (mostly fat, with crustaches and hair-gel) were crawling everywhere. But still, no heckling. In Philly, Mutts fans are rightfully tormented from the moment they step out of their car. But I guess when your team blows a 7 game division lead with 17 games to play, and then fires their manager 40 some games into the next season, you really can't say much.



After all this went down, Benny Bubbles and I were forcibly removed from the game in the 8th inning. The score was 5-2 Mutts, and I figured it was probably good to get out of there before the guidos untucked their tails from their vaginas. We were threatened with arrest and given no reason as to why we were getting kicked out. It's quite ironic that we were escorted out by "Security", when it was the collective insecurity of the most feeble fan base in America that undoubtedly led to our departure. We were tattled on by somebody, for something, kindergarten style.

But, justice was served. On the 7 train ride back into Manhattan, word was spreading of a Phillies comeback. One guy had the game on his V-csat phone. The Phillies scored. And scored again. And soon, the score was 8-6, and the game was over. The good guys won, and that fact alone blunted the agony of missing the comeback in person.

My only regret is not doing something worth getting kicked out for. Like defecating over the railing onto the moussed up hair of the legions of guidos below. Next time, that's exactly what I'll do.

Farewell, Shit Stadium.

Utley Drops An F-bomb at the Homerun Derby

There are asshole fans, and then there are ignorant, asshole fans. Ladies and gentleman, I give you Philadelphia and New York. Philly sets the bar pretty high for outlandish shenanigans and pissing on the fine line between acceptable belligerence and criminal behavior. But, for the most part, the Philly goons know their stuff. In New York, you got your typical tough guy asshole who knows about nothing outside of the five boroughs. They were booing Utley because they had no fucking idea who he was.

This is from the introductions that took place at Yankee Stadium last night before the ALL STATE Homerun Derby. Was Chase simply stoned, and forgot that he was mic'd up? Either way, Utley's status has risen dramatically in my eye.

Americans Shouldn't Be Allowed To Vote

Democracy, in theory, is a utopia. Citizens of differing race, class, gender, and religion are bound by a government that grants them the right to vote. We the masses, in theory, elect the candidates that are best qualified to represent us and lead us. And, for a time - about 224 years - the system worked. America was a great place to live because of our democratic ideals. Then, we elected George W. Bush to be our 43rd president in 2000.

In light of that, it's no surprise that Americans don't know how to vote for the best baseball players to play in the Mid Summer Classic. Once again, the fans voted in a few random schlubs who didn't deserve the honor instead of, oh, I don't know, PAT BURRELL.

In his 9th (and so far, best) season in Red Pinstripes, Pat The Bat has turned the corner and been a feared force from the right side of the plate. But the Phillies most clutch hitter was not voted in by the fans, most of whom seem to hail from the Chicago and Boston areas (7 Cubs and 7 Red Sox???!!!)

Here's an excerpt from an email I received from Phan contributor Dicky Toe:


Burrell numbers aren't that great. They're decent. He may have "played with a lot of heart", but I didn't get to see it.


A little background on Toe. He's from the Philadelphia area, and grew up an avid Eagles fan. Unfortunately, his time in New England has poisoned his mind much like what happened to Anakin Skywalker in The Clone Wars. As a result, Dicky Toe now roots for the Red Sox, and regularly channels the Dark Side.

Burrell numbers not that great? Mr. Toe clearly has never heard of the most important hitting stat in baseball - OPS. It stands for On-base Plus Slugging Percentage, and it quantifies a hitter's ability to get on base AND hit for power. Anything over a .800 is good. Anything over a .900 is very good. And anything over 1.000 is elite.

Here are the OPS's for the outfielders elected by millions of retarded fans (mostly from Chicago) to rep the NL in the All-Star Game.

Starter - Braun: .865
Starter - Fukudome: .811
Starter - Soriano: .879
Reserve - Holliday: 1.002
Reserve - Ludwick: .944
Reserve - McLouth: .879

And PAT BURRELL? ----> .994



Fuck you, indeed. If you want to dig deeper, Burrell is posting a Bonds-like 1:1 BB:KK ratio (72 K's to 66 BB's as of 7/8/08). And if you ever WATCH the Phils, Toey, you'll quickly notice that Burrell rarely ever strikes out in a clutch situation (coughcoughRyanHowardcough). It's a far cry from the solo-shot hitting pretty boy who batted .209 in 2003. He doesn't swing at bad pitches. He's cut down on the hair gel. And he KILLS the Mets. I'm watching the Phillies play the Cardinals right now, and Burrell just doubled.

www.mlb.com. Click on that. Vote for Pat.

Now, here are the real starting lineups for the 2008 All-Star game, which the American League will almost certainly win.

NATIONAL LEAGUE

C Brian McCann (ATL)

Apologies to: Geovany Soto (CHI). McCann, the power-hitting Pillsbury dough boy, is the most talented catcher in the National League, and would be starting this game if he played in Chicago or New York.


1B Lance Berkman (HOU)

2B CHASE UTLEY

SS Hanley Ramirez (FLA)

3B Chipper Jones (ATL)

OF Nate McClouth (PIT)

Rumor has it PNC Park is threatening to pack up and leave town unless Pittsburgh can build a better baseball team. One of the breakout stars of 2008, McLouth is fully deserving of the fan vote.

OF Matt Holliday (COL)

Apologies to: Alfonso Soriano (CHI) and Ryan Braun (MIL). Soriano has been injured a lot, and Holliday is the best all-around OF in the league. Unfortunately for him, the Rockies are a mess this year and the crickets outnumber the fans at vacuous Coors Field.

OF PAT "Delaware Ave" BURRELL

See Above. He doesn't run well, but he parties harder than you pregame. Unfortunately, the fans voted for "Kosuke Fukudome," which sounds like it tastes really good. What a travesty.

NEXT POST - Either the Phan's American League All-Star Picks, or Passed Out At The Free Bon Jovi Concert in Central Park!

Live From The Roof

Well it's past the half point of the 2008 MLB season, and who better to tell you about the state of baseball than the Penncrest High School Morning Announcements team from 2002.

Here is JK Jeezy, once the clean cut lead anchor of Penncrest's "A" news team. His enunciation and eye contact were borderline flawless, and the only blemish in his career was the one time he called Cheryl Jordan, "Ashwin Chaudhary."

Jeezy gives us an update on the horrid state of baseball in New York. Predictably, it's Los Mets that are causing all the problems.




"The state of baseball is in crisis. And Los Mets is the reason." Jot that down, kids.


For further clarification on Los Mets, and The Philadelphia Sillies, here is "The Shwin Spin On Sports." While my diction was usually poor to very poor, my pace, tone, and facial expressions are still talked about in Penncrest's Oral Communications classes today.



Next Post - Phillies Midseason Report Card. (Hypercritical rant)

Cayman Knockout

So this is what we did down in the Cayman's, a.k.a. PARADISE. A nice little write-up for SI.com done by Charles Merritt, and a video for SI.com done by yours truly. Check it oot.

Getting On The Failboat

Here's a glimpse of me during our FIVE HOUR DELAY at the Miami Airport en route to the Cayman Islands. On the whole, this video is not worth watching, and is probably amusing to only me and Charles (Just the tip). But it's probably the most negative, sarcastic, frustrated, and disheveled you will ever see me. There is a mention of fantasy baseball in there, so it manages to keep with the sports theme of this blog. I now hate Miami, too.


Ashwin and Charles TRY to go to the Cayman Islands ft. SST from Charles Merritt on Vimeo.

BOSTON MUST DIE

The Boston Celtics are NBA Champions. News of this hit me hard, almost as hard as the realization that I'd lost my iPhone while exiting a taxi outside Laguardia Airport. The iPhone? It can be replaced, by the much cheaper model that comes out July 11th. The Celtics as champs? That's forever, man.



So now Boston has two defending champions. If you want to count the Patriots (who actually play in Foxboro, Mass, like idiots), then Boston sports teams have now won 6 titles this decade. As Philadelphians, it drives the dagger a little deeper into our collective bellies. To see a region which for a period of time defined sporting futility now become the hub of the sporting universe is... the exact opposite of what we wanted to see.

What's worse, on the same night that the Celtics won their 17th title, the Sox blanked the Phillies 3-0, behind a dominant pitching performance from young Jon Lester. The lanky lefty had no trouble slicing fastballs past Utley and Howard, and the question still persists whether the Phils' big bats are equipped to handle good pitching.

This post is too depressing. I LOST MY FUCKING iPHONE. And now I'm stuck at Miami airport, apparently 13 minutes away from boarding our flight that's already been delayed by 2 hours. Tropical Storm Miley Cyrus is starting to make her presence felt, and threatens to delay our flight another 2 hours. What is the deal with having an airport in Miami, anyway? Is it not like trying to fly the Millennium Falcon out of the Death Star? Here is a picture of Chewbacca throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game.



Shit sucks right now. I need a girlfriend, a phone, a haircut, 8 hours of sleep, and Boston to die. In that order.

Stanley Cup Finals Turing Into A Classic

For anyone who didn't stay up to watch the Triple OT thriller Game 5 like I did, you missed a hell of a hockey game. Maybe it was Mike Emrick's hysterical play-by-play or the fact that it was a Monday, but that was the best hockey this e-blogger has watched in a long time.


Before the three intense overtime periods, there were three periods of scintillating regulation hockey. The Penguins came out and opened up a 2-0 lead in the first period, after having not scored a goal in Games 1 and 2 at Joe Louis Arena. Red Wings fans were silent, and the Penguins were finally skating with confidence against the more "experienced" Wings. Octopus, which had been worth $42.75 before the game, plummeted to $7.15 by the end of the first period. Detroiters, initially eager to hurl the traditional victory symbol on the ice in celebration of Cup glory, instead found themselves trading their mollusks for beer money.

But then, the Red Wings remembered Lord Stanley's trophy, which was in the house on this potentially auspicious night. They largely dominated the 2nd period, and although they only got 1 goal from Darren Helm, you got the sense that the momentum had shifted to the Red end of the spectrum. By the time Datsyuk scored on a power play early in the 3rd, the Wings were in control.

Blah blah blah, Pittsburgh scored with 30-some seconds to go, overtime was awesome this blog is over.

GET EXCITED, GET REALLY EXCITED

The Phillies offense seems to be heating up with the weather, as they've dropped 35 runs in the past 2 games. Expect that to continue. Our friend Kalas Thoughts wisely tempered my enthusiasm by reminding me that the Fightin's really won't go anywhere unless they add another reliable starter. But isn't it conceivable that they could just outhit teams 66% of the time from here on out? Definitely.

While it's all feel-good for the Phils, the same can't be said in New York, where the guillotine blade draws ever closer to Willie Randolph's neck. Yankee fans don't have too much to cheer about either, as this fan points out:



So much more articulate than Mets fans. I actually like this guy.

Philadelphia Sports Hall of Shame: Jocelyn's Back Deck Edition

I was asked to share my thoughts on the 10 worst Philly athletes of all time. What started as observations on Philly's most forgetful, turned into a bad trip down the dark memory lane that is Broad Street. We spent a lot of our time at the Vet.

...Thanks to Shwinny for the invitation and everyone else for their suggestions. 1st time blogger so go easy on me. This rides about to get bumpy. Here we go...

Philadelphia Sports Hall of Shame:
Jocelyn’s Back Deck Edition

10. Curt Schilling: The bloody sock and his affiliation with the Red Sox. The constant whining. His vocal support of the Bush Administration. If you can’t find a reason to hate this self-absorbed asshole, then you ain’t looking. But let’s stick to the Philly years.

Hey, Curt. Take the fuckin’ towel off your face and be a good teammate. This me-first shmuck refused to watch Mitch Williams throw off the mound in the ’93 World Series, and years later the whole world realizes it was just to get more face time.

After justifiably getting ripped on by Larry Andersen and Danny Jackson for the incident, Curt came back a year later with a solid 2-8 record with a 4.48 ERA.

Bottom Line: Asshole, Tool, Hack, Idiot. Are we sure Curt wasn’t describing himself when he used these words to describe the Boston Globe’s Dan Shaugnessy?


9. Charles Shackleford: Aside from being pals with Rae “Don’t Call Me Lewis” Carruth, taking bribes as a player at N.C. State, “Shack” is best known as one of the worst players to ever grace the NBA Hardwood (and there have been a few slugs to play since Naismith nailed up the peach basket).

Need I add more?

Bottom Line: How many games did the Sixers lose that season?


8. Billy Wagner: Once told reporters that fans need to cut him a break after getting booed for topping off at 99. Hey, Billy, is the word sarcasm left out of dictionaries in Wonderfuck, VA?

Huge. Fucking. Pussy. Subsuquently, fits in nicely in Queens. An overall disappointment for the Phils. An even bigger disappointment for the Mutts.

Statistically speaking, Billy’s numbers with the Phils weren’t too bad, but the home run Wagner surrendered to Biggio in the last frame of an important game in 2005 would be the difference as the Astros took the Wild Card from the Phils by 1 game.

Bottom Line: Billy’s found a way to work a Patriots hat into his wardrobe, maybe he needs to ask Belichick for some other ways to get a competitive edge as the wheels are falling off for Willie’s boys.


7. Shawn Bradley: They said he was going to revolutionize the game, and how true they were. The minute the ping-pong ball came up red and blue, it was $44 Million dollars down the drain. He spent two years in Australia as a Mormon missionary, but I think it’s safe to say Shawn never saw the light.

Bottom Line: Harold Katz’s boy-wonder matured into a career line of 8.1 PPG and 6.3 RPG.


6. Mike Mamula: His most infamous sack came in 1997, but we’re not talking about a hit on Troy Aikman, rather a charge of indecent exposure and lewdness. At an Allentown Bar during training camp, Mamula flashed a waitress who refused to serve him after last call.

The definition of an NFL combine fraud, Mamula was plagued by knee problems for much of his short career with the Eagles. Mamula had no problems dropping pants, but he sure had issues dropping into pass coverage for Ray Rhodes.

I remember being hungover one Sunday morning in Newton, MA feeling pretty lousy. It was after Boston College thwacked the Nittany Lions in what had to be one of the worst collective offensive performances of the decade. My stomach was trying to hide from my body like Zach Mills getting chased by Mathius Kiwanuka. However, after seeing a Mamula #59 jersey encased in a shrine at this yuppie haven, I immediately felt better knowing that the days of Mamula are history.

Bottom Line: I hear # 59 midnight green jerseys are still 80% off at the Granite Run Mall.


5. Mitch Williams: How could I leave Wild Thing off this list? While you probably didn’t crawl into your top-bunk and bury your head in your pillow and cry like a 6-year old when Joe Carter trotted around the Sky Dome base paths, you haven’t forgotten this regrettable move by Fregosi.

To make matters worse, Williams couldn’t even cut it as coach. Fired as the coach of the Atlantic City Surf for poor people skills and sloppy paperwork, Mitch is back in Philadelphia as part of the Phillies post-game show.

But, don’t think Williams has lost his edge. Just weeks ago, Williams re-earned the Wild moniker by cursing out a female ref at his daughter’s basketball game. Did I mention she’s in 5th grade?

Bottom Line: While Williams will be remembered as Philadephia’s Bill Buckner, any fan with half a brain knows it was Fregosi’s fault for throwing him in there.


4. Jose Mesa: Carlos Zambrano’s older, fatter, angrier brother, Mesa’s name is synonomous with wild pitches and that clashing Expo-blue glove. We all remember the summer of ’02 where Mesa seemed on a mission to destroy late-game leads.

And then there is the famous knock on Omar Vizquel, "Even my little boy told me to get him. If I face him 10 more times, I'll hit him 10 times. I want to kill him."

Bottom Line: With 75 career wild pitches, Joe Table is tops all-time among relievers in that category.


3. Travis Lee & Omar Daal: Let’s start with Lee. Sure, part of me is glad that we got rid of Schilling, but has there ever been a bigger offensive hole at 1B than the one created by the acquisition of Travis Lee?

Maybe the most apathetic player to ever suit up in red pinstripes not named Abreu.

As far as Daal goes, they said we traded away Curt Schilling to the Diamondbacks for a bag of baseballs, but in perspective it looks much worse than this.

This product of the trade’s fastball barely broke 80. He lacked control and command. If Bud Selig really wants to put more fans in the seats, he should find a way to get this home run factory back in game. Too bad for us, Daal is currently living in Arizona where he coaches his sons travel team. Yeah, we here those kids suck too.

Bottom Line: While at least Lee carried a glove, Daal was helpless in 2001 giving up a whopping total of 26 HRs. And this is when we played at the Vet.


2. Adam Eaton: Upon acquiring Eaton before the 2007 season, I had a friend once tell me that Eaton (overpaid after an average season in San Diego) was a good pitcher and would help lead the Phils to the playoffs. That same person told me that John Lieber would win 15 games with the Cubs in 2008.

Almost two years later and it seems that Eaton is doing everything in his power to prevent a Phillies team loaded with 3 MVPs (and we’re just talking infield here) from winning getting back to October.

Bottom Line: In 30 appearances with the Phils in 2007, Eaton maintained a solid 6.29 ERA. 5.40 in 2008 and the summer bats haven’t even heated up. Yo, Uncle Chuck. You reading?


1.Turk Wendell: Where do I start? Only a player like Turk could make a fan favorite for Los Mets faithful at Shea. Traded to the Phillies in 2001, Wendell (along with Dan Plesac) did his best to sabotage playoff hopes for Philly’s most faithful.

Whether it was the fondling of the rosin bags, the tooth brushing between innings, the outlandish comments (after plunking Vlad Guerrero, who took offense, Wendell told him he could "go back to the Dominican and find another line of work" if he didn't like it) the black licorice, or that ridiculous fuckin’ necklace, we all remember #99 (worn in honor of Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn”) well.

On a more positive note, let’s give Turk credit where it’s due. He wasn’t afraid to speak out against steroids abuse, once claiming that “of course” his then-teammate Sammy Sosa used steroids. (What’s next, a revelation that Garrett Reid is really into abandoned apartments and the Velvet Underground?). As well, Wendell visited troops overseas in Afghanistan in 2006 as part of the MLB’s “Heroes of the Diamond Tour.” While it is not known whether there is a correlation between this visit and the surge in troop deaths, I’m hearing that Reyes jerseys are selling like hot-cakes at Modell’s across Kabul.

Bottom Line: 7.47 ERA and 2.01 WHIP with the Phils in 2001. Maybe he should have stepped on the chalk after all.


Honorable Mention

Roberto Hernandez: Roberto Horrendous was awful for the Phils, and to make things worse, had the nerve to rip the fans after being here for like a month. Are you kidding me?

J.D. Drew: Still haven’t replaced my basement TV’s remote control batteries.

Armon Gilliam: What’s stinking up the Sixers offense? Just ask Sir Charles. Reporters did after a loss at the Spectrum, and Barkley proceeded to pinch his nose and point in Gilliam’s direction.

Torrence Small & Charles Johnson: Even by throwing these two together and you still don’t have half the receiver that FredEx was. Killed us in the 2001 NFC Title game.

Kevin Millwood: “Another episode of Deadwood tonight.” – 610’s John Gargano, prior to every Milwood start.

Todd Pinkston: If I have to give an explanation here, you obviously weren’t watching the 2003 NFC Championship game.




….So Misunderstood

I know I'm not alone in having a soft spot for these guys...

Freddie Mitchell: Hall of Shame? Try Hall of Fame for 4th and 26 alone. Blacklisted by Reid & Co. from the NFL, I know I’m not alone in saying I’d welcome the return of The People’s Champ any time

Scott Rolen: Busted his ass day in and day out for the Phils. Unfortunately, the media fueled the negativity towards him.

Eric Lindros: Sure, Forsberg, Ricci, and Duschane weren’t worth dealing for Eric, but he helped take us to the cup. Concussions took him to the golf course.

A Sensible Mets Fan?

This man gets promoted from Mets Schlub to Mets Nerd.

Cleveland Rocks, and by Rocks I mean Sucks

Sports Illustrated recently ran an article about Philly's athletic futility, commemorating the 100th combined season without a championship for the city's four pro sports teams. Hopefully, the SI cover jinx and tendency to always be wrong in their preseason predictions will create some good karma for us. I would rather read an negative SI story about Philadelphia than see McNabb on the NFL Preview issue.



What this article misses, however, is a city which fails harder than Jimmy Fallon in every movie he's ever been in. Even with only 3 teams, Cleveland, Ohio has managed to avoid winning anything for a combined 129 YEARS. The last time they won was in 1964, when the Browns won the NFL title. Aside from loser sports teams, Cleveland's weather is shitty, Drew Carey is fat, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (somehow) is the exact opposite of awesome.

Not funny to boot:



What is this, a skyline or something?






But hey, I'll take the negative publicity for Philly. It'll make it so much sweeter when the Eagles pimp that Lombardi Trophy down Broad Street.

The Curse Lives On

Well... at least it wasn't a heartbreaker. You knew the Flyers were going to lose this one from the second they took that penalty in the 1st period. Timonen was back, but it didn't matter. Even a healthy Braydon Coburn, or Simon Gagne, would not have made a difference in this one.

The Penguins are simply a phenomenal collection of talent, a club for whom the stars have aligned once again. Marc-Andre Fleury is 23. Evgeni Malkin is 21. Sydney Crosby is 20. Jordan Staal is 19. That's RIDICULOUS. This group has the chance to surpass what Mario and Jaromir "Luigi" Jagr accomplished in the early 90's, winning back-to-back Cups in '91 and '92. No, we are looking at a potential dynasty more along the lines of the Gretzky-Messier-Kurri-Coffey led Oilers of the 80's.

Here's a picture of a barely concealed Mark Messier groping an autograph-seeking Gary Coleman to illustrate my point.





How did the Penguins get so good so fast? Well, it's probably because they were really bad for a really long time. A few straight years of drafting the #1 overall pick will eventually lead to a reversal in fortune, as we are seeing right now with the Tampa Bay Rays of MLB. But the fact that Pittsburgh's young guns are this good this soon is a scary thing for every team playing in the Atlantic Division.

So, where do the the Flyers go from here? The gap between the top-end talent on display for Pittsburgh and the Flyers should not discourage Philly fans, because reinforcement should be on the way. Down on the farm, forward Claude Giroux was the QMJHL's MVP in 2008, and should have a good chance of making the big club this fall. Another Flyers prospect, Middletown, NJ native James vanRiemsdyk, is developing nicely and will also have a shot to be on the roster in 2008-09. In Martin Biron, the Flyers finally have a true #1 goalie, despite the six goals he allowed on Sunday. The fragile yet super-fast Simon Gagne should be back as well to team with fellow Quebecois Danny Briere, a partnership that never materialized in 2007-08 due to Gagne's injury.

Flyers' prospect Claude Giroux:



The Flyers could use more depth at D next year, as their thin blue-line corps was exposed and exploited in the Pittsburgh series. Aside from that though, there is nothing really special the Flyers must do to return to the NHL's final four next year. Mike Richards had a breakthrough season, and is destined to wear the "C". Jeff Carter, RJ Umberger, Scottie Upshall, and Joffrey Lupul aren't going anywhere. The heart of this team is young, and should be back contending for the Cup in 2008-09. And when they get there, they might be facing a familiar foe.

Vengeance... Now?

Yayyy the Flyers won a game, and the Penguins fans who brought brooms to the Wok Center can shove them up they asses. The Flyers came out too fast and too furious, putting 3 goals up and showing the Penguins some old time Flyers pride. Where that fire and passion was in games 1,2, and 3 is anyone's guess. Once again it was a roller coaster ride in the 2nd and 3rd, as the Flyers seemed a little anxious chasing down the speedy Pens. Until Game 4, the bigger Flyers hadn't so much as touched Crosby and co., so it was nice to see the physical activity and overall intensity return to the ice. Pittsburgh is a ridiculous 7-0 at home in the playoffs, but they're going to have a game on their hands on Sunday.

One big advantage the Flyers have is in the playoff beard department. Jeff Carter, Derian Hatcher, and Scott Hartnell are among the Orange and Black sporting the facial fur coat. The Penguins players may or may not have beards, I don't know off the top of my head. But all their key players seem incapable of growing facial hair. Malkin, who looks like he has Down syndrome, should be ashamed of himself for not having a beard, as a Russian. And Crustache Crosby may have one of the dirtiest upper lips in Western Pennsylvania, and that's saying something. I couldn't find a good picture of his mustache so here is Crosby at the launch of his fabulous fashion line.




If the Flyers can come out with the same fury in the first period of Game 5, then they have a chance. If they take bad penalties and let the Penguins skate, they can expect to be on the golf course Monday morning. But I maintain my prediction:

FLYERS IN 7

Around the NFC East

2 years removed from narrowely losing his job, Coach Coughlin leads his defending champion NY Football Giants into the 2008 season in hopes of continuing the hot streak that resulted in them hoisting the Lombardi Tropy. It is more than likely DCoordinators Steve Spagnola's last year with them team, as he will more than likely move on to the greener pastures of a head coaching....49ers/Rams/Raiders?

Eli has proved he was worth the #1 pick and now look to become a more consistent QB that is as good as big brother. Behind him you have the Hefty Lefty, David Carr and rookie Andre Woodson....it's probably the end of the road for the Pillsbury Throwboy. The run game will be powered by the 3 headed monster of Jacobs, Bradshaw, and Ward. Shockey could have a break out season as he was not moved in the offseason and Boss should continue to develop. Plaxico is a proven stud, Amani Toomer is getting closer and closer to declaring for Social Security, Sinorice Moss did abolutely nothing his rookie year (doubtful he will follow through on his promise to have "a break thru year this year") and David Tyrees career peaked with the catch. The Giants drafted giggle-bush smoking Mario Manningham who has seemed to be getting worse and worse after leaving Michigan. This group benefited much more from a strong run game then people realize. However, as long as the oline stays healthy and Eli is consistent, the Giants should have no trouble moving the ball on offense.
Michael Strahan is still mulling retirement, and word on the street is that Osi is quietly pining for a new contract...which does not fair well for the Giant due to the massive contracts thrown at his position to Dwight Freeney and Jared "Wine 'Em, Dine 'Em, 69 'Em" Allen http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/2008/03/jared_allens_a_club_dedicated_to_the_man_--_and_to_all_things_69.php
Kawika Mitchell was lost to Buffalo, Antonio Pierce is a year older and Mathias Kiwanuka is sitll unproven at LB. Unless you see some incredible play from the interior line in Coefield, Robbins and Alford (whom, on a side note, I had GeoSci20 with as a freshman at Penn State...if you can call Jay showing up 1 time all semester as "going to class"...but hey, when you're rich, you don't write checks, Straight Cash Homey!) the Giants LBs will become a liability for the Defense. Aaron Ross, who was slowly weened into the defense, looks to be legit, while Sam Madison is garbage. Gibril Wilson was lost to the Black Hole of Oakland and thus rookie Kenny Phillips will be expected to step right in and play. Phillips will be wearing #21 in honor of fallen fellow Miami Hurricane Sean Taylor. If the d-ends continue to wreak havoc on quarterbacks, the secondary should easily holtheir own.
The Giants did not field a "great team" last year but knew what to do to win games when it counted. If they can stay healthy, they should easily make the playoffs but will have trouble duplicating last years success.

Get Flyered Up

It's only happened in hockey history twice - and three times in the history of American pro sports. Coming back from a 3-0 deficit in a best-of-7 series happens about as often as [insert obscure reference here].

It happened in 1942, when the Toronto Maple Leafs turned the trick against Detroit. It happened in 2004, when the Red Sox (back when they were the good guys) stunned a dying New York Yankees dynasty in the ALCS. The last time it happened was in 1975, when the Pittsburgh Penguins blew a 3-0 series lead against the upstart New York Islanders. Interestingly enough, the Islanders nearly pulled it off again in the next round, forcing a 7th game but losing to the eventual Stanley Cup Champions: The Philadelphia Flyers.



While history may suggest that the odds are against the Flyers, there is still hope for the orange and black. All it takes is one bounce to go our way, to stem the tide of injuries that have prevented the Flyers from being able to skate with the slick Pens. Conventional wisdom may suggest that it's impossible to stop two superstars like Crosby and Malkin without your top 2 defensemen. But I've never been one to worry about history or conventional wisdom. Flyers in 7.

Observe the wrath of Philly: below, a Flyers fan hops in the box to rumble with legendary douchebag, Tie Domi.