Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Philadelphia Sports Hall of Shame: Jocelyn's Back Deck Edition

I was asked to share my thoughts on the 10 worst Philly athletes of all time. What started as observations on Philly's most forgetful, turned into a bad trip down the dark memory lane that is Broad Street. We spent a lot of our time at the Vet.

...Thanks to Shwinny for the invitation and everyone else for their suggestions. 1st time blogger so go easy on me. This rides about to get bumpy. Here we go...

Philadelphia Sports Hall of Shame:
Jocelyn’s Back Deck Edition

10. Curt Schilling: The bloody sock and his affiliation with the Red Sox. The constant whining. His vocal support of the Bush Administration. If you can’t find a reason to hate this self-absorbed asshole, then you ain’t looking. But let’s stick to the Philly years.

Hey, Curt. Take the fuckin’ towel off your face and be a good teammate. This me-first shmuck refused to watch Mitch Williams throw off the mound in the ’93 World Series, and years later the whole world realizes it was just to get more face time.

After justifiably getting ripped on by Larry Andersen and Danny Jackson for the incident, Curt came back a year later with a solid 2-8 record with a 4.48 ERA.

Bottom Line: Asshole, Tool, Hack, Idiot. Are we sure Curt wasn’t describing himself when he used these words to describe the Boston Globe’s Dan Shaugnessy?

9. Charles Shackleford: Aside from being pals with Rae “Don’t Call Me Lewis” Carruth, taking bribes as a player at N.C. State, “Shack” is best known as one of the worst players to ever grace the NBA Hardwood (and there have been a few slugs to play since Naismith nailed up the peach basket).

Need I add more?

Bottom Line: How many games did the Sixers lose that season?

8. Billy Wagner: Once told reporters that fans need to cut him a break after getting booed for topping off at 99. Hey, Billy, is the word sarcasm left out of dictionaries in Wonderfuck, VA?

Huge. Fucking. Pussy. Subsuquently, fits in nicely in Queens. An overall disappointment for the Phils. An even bigger disappointment for the Mutts.

Statistically speaking, Billy’s numbers with the Phils weren’t too bad, but the home run Wagner surrendered to Biggio in the last frame of an important game in 2005 would be the difference as the Astros took the Wild Card from the Phils by 1 game.

Bottom Line: Billy’s found a way to work a Patriots hat into his wardrobe, maybe he needs to ask Belichick for some other ways to get a competitive edge as the wheels are falling off for Willie’s boys.

7. Shawn Bradley: They said he was going to revolutionize the game, and how true they were. The minute the ping-pong ball came up red and blue, it was $44 Million dollars down the drain. He spent two years in Australia as a Mormon missionary, but I think it’s safe to say Shawn never saw the light.

Bottom Line: Harold Katz’s boy-wonder matured into a career line of 8.1 PPG and 6.3 RPG.

6. Mike Mamula: His most infamous sack came in 1997, but we’re not talking about a hit on Troy Aikman, rather a charge of indecent exposure and lewdness. At an Allentown Bar during training camp, Mamula flashed a waitress who refused to serve him after last call.

The definition of an NFL combine fraud, Mamula was plagued by knee problems for much of his short career with the Eagles. Mamula had no problems dropping pants, but he sure had issues dropping into pass coverage for Ray Rhodes.

I remember being hungover one Sunday morning in Newton, MA feeling pretty lousy. It was after Boston College thwacked the Nittany Lions in what had to be one of the worst collective offensive performances of the decade. My stomach was trying to hide from my body like Zach Mills getting chased by Mathius Kiwanuka. However, after seeing a Mamula #59 jersey encased in a shrine at this yuppie haven, I immediately felt better knowing that the days of Mamula are history.

Bottom Line: I hear # 59 midnight green jerseys are still 80% off at the Granite Run Mall.

5. Mitch Williams: How could I leave Wild Thing off this list? While you probably didn’t crawl into your top-bunk and bury your head in your pillow and cry like a 6-year old when Joe Carter trotted around the Sky Dome base paths, you haven’t forgotten this regrettable move by Fregosi.

To make matters worse, Williams couldn’t even cut it as coach. Fired as the coach of the Atlantic City Surf for poor people skills and sloppy paperwork, Mitch is back in Philadelphia as part of the Phillies post-game show.

But, don’t think Williams has lost his edge. Just weeks ago, Williams re-earned the Wild moniker by cursing out a female ref at his daughter’s basketball game. Did I mention she’s in 5th grade?

Bottom Line: While Williams will be remembered as Philadephia’s Bill Buckner, any fan with half a brain knows it was Fregosi’s fault for throwing him in there.

4. Jose Mesa: Carlos Zambrano’s older, fatter, angrier brother, Mesa’s name is synonomous with wild pitches and that clashing Expo-blue glove. We all remember the summer of ’02 where Mesa seemed on a mission to destroy late-game leads.

And then there is the famous knock on Omar Vizquel, "Even my little boy told me to get him. If I face him 10 more times, I'll hit him 10 times. I want to kill him."

Bottom Line: With 75 career wild pitches, Joe Table is tops all-time among relievers in that category.

3. Travis Lee & Omar Daal: Let’s start with Lee. Sure, part of me is glad that we got rid of Schilling, but has there ever been a bigger offensive hole at 1B than the one created by the acquisition of Travis Lee?

Maybe the most apathetic player to ever suit up in red pinstripes not named Abreu.

As far as Daal goes, they said we traded away Curt Schilling to the Diamondbacks for a bag of baseballs, but in perspective it looks much worse than this.

This product of the trade’s fastball barely broke 80. He lacked control and command. If Bud Selig really wants to put more fans in the seats, he should find a way to get this home run factory back in game. Too bad for us, Daal is currently living in Arizona where he coaches his sons travel team. Yeah, we here those kids suck too.

Bottom Line: While at least Lee carried a glove, Daal was helpless in 2001 giving up a whopping total of 26 HRs. And this is when we played at the Vet.

2. Adam Eaton: Upon acquiring Eaton before the 2007 season, I had a friend once tell me that Eaton (overpaid after an average season in San Diego) was a good pitcher and would help lead the Phils to the playoffs. That same person told me that John Lieber would win 15 games with the Cubs in 2008.

Almost two years later and it seems that Eaton is doing everything in his power to prevent a Phillies team loaded with 3 MVPs (and we’re just talking infield here) from winning getting back to October.

Bottom Line: In 30 appearances with the Phils in 2007, Eaton maintained a solid 6.29 ERA. 5.40 in 2008 and the summer bats haven’t even heated up. Yo, Uncle Chuck. You reading?

1.Turk Wendell: Where do I start? Only a player like Turk could make a fan favorite for Los Mets faithful at Shea. Traded to the Phillies in 2001, Wendell (along with Dan Plesac) did his best to sabotage playoff hopes for Philly’s most faithful.

Whether it was the fondling of the rosin bags, the tooth brushing between innings, the outlandish comments (after plunking Vlad Guerrero, who took offense, Wendell told him he could "go back to the Dominican and find another line of work" if he didn't like it) the black licorice, or that ridiculous fuckin’ necklace, we all remember #99 (worn in honor of Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn”) well.

On a more positive note, let’s give Turk credit where it’s due. He wasn’t afraid to speak out against steroids abuse, once claiming that “of course” his then-teammate Sammy Sosa used steroids. (What’s next, a revelation that Garrett Reid is really into abandoned apartments and the Velvet Underground?). As well, Wendell visited troops overseas in Afghanistan in 2006 as part of the MLB’s “Heroes of the Diamond Tour.” While it is not known whether there is a correlation between this visit and the surge in troop deaths, I’m hearing that Reyes jerseys are selling like hot-cakes at Modell’s across Kabul.

Bottom Line: 7.47 ERA and 2.01 WHIP with the Phils in 2001. Maybe he should have stepped on the chalk after all.

Honorable Mention

Roberto Hernandez: Roberto Horrendous was awful for the Phils, and to make things worse, had the nerve to rip the fans after being here for like a month. Are you kidding me?

J.D. Drew: Still haven’t replaced my basement TV’s remote control batteries.

Armon Gilliam: What’s stinking up the Sixers offense? Just ask Sir Charles. Reporters did after a loss at the Spectrum, and Barkley proceeded to pinch his nose and point in Gilliam’s direction.

Torrence Small & Charles Johnson: Even by throwing these two together and you still don’t have half the receiver that FredEx was. Killed us in the 2001 NFC Title game.

Kevin Millwood: “Another episode of Deadwood tonight.” – 610’s John Gargano, prior to every Milwood start.

Todd Pinkston: If I have to give an explanation here, you obviously weren’t watching the 2003 NFC Championship game.

….So Misunderstood

I know I'm not alone in having a soft spot for these guys...

Freddie Mitchell: Hall of Shame? Try Hall of Fame for 4th and 26 alone. Blacklisted by Reid & Co. from the NFL, I know I’m not alone in saying I’d welcome the return of The People’s Champ any time

Scott Rolen: Busted his ass day in and day out for the Phils. Unfortunately, the media fueled the negativity towards him.

Eric Lindros: Sure, Forsberg, Ricci, and Duschane weren’t worth dealing for Eric, but he helped take us to the cup. Concussions took him to the golf course.


ONE GOAL said...

OK admirable effort but looks like you bit off a bit more that you can chew.
You got a lot of people named but i cant figure out this order...

Your top 3 mean nothing to me
-Turk Wendall was a d-bag with a caveman neckless yes, but number shame in philly, no
-Adam Eaton is our second best starter
-Travis Lee and Omar Daal need to find themselves in the honorable mention/who the fuck care category

7 8, 6 ( in that order) need to move up to 1, 2, 3 rounded out with a JD Drew along with everyone currently on the eagles roster minus brian westrook

Oh yea and there was this one guy named TO to play in sure you'd like to forget him but hes gotta be up here somewhere. He sent Eagles in what looks to be a 10-15 year stint in the basement of the NFC. I mean it doesn't help that the New York Giants are also in NFC East, but hey.

Also upset Matt Geiger didn't make your list

Bobby Budnick said...

loves it!

ONE GOAL said...

Jonathan (from comment #1), you're criticism of this post is automatically useless due to the fact that you're a Giants fan. Sometimes I cringe at the fact that there is no law against you also rooting for the Phillies and Flyers. Are you also a closet fan of Los Mets?

ONE GOAL said...

I've got my teams and sticking with them... as an eagles fan its got to be a difficult pill to swallow that i got to see a superbowl in my lifetime.

perhaps birds will start running a cornerback-based offense...seeing as how they got the 3 greatest corners of all time and the most boring offense in the league post-TO. Sike Asante will be owned by the giants for the rest of his career and will probably fall for the alluring life of crime in philadelphia. He wont be able to resist it.

ONE GOAL said...

New Jersey Giants. Has a nice ring to it. Or more accurately.. Toxic Swampland Giants.

But anyway... I think the time is ripe for another Los Mets update. They are los struggling right now as expected.