Cole Hard Facts

Winning that first World Series game is like getting your first kiss... you wait 15 years, and then when it happens, it's just as good as you dreamt it to be.

The din from the magical '93 playoff run can finally began to fade now as the '08 Phillies seem hell bent on fulfilling their own destiny. Last night was super sweet for sure. The 100th win of the season begin to crystallize before the first pitch, when the remaining sober members of the Backstreet Boys disgraced Tampa Bay, Philadelphia, and our national pasttime with their fruity rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. Surely, World Series baseball was not meant to be played in western Florida.

Another good sign was when living legend MICHAEL JACK SCHMIDT introduced the Phils' lineup. The hall-of-famer embodies class and and exudes grace, and just the sight of him was enough to give me chills. Then, the Rays lined up for roll call and introduced themselves like it was "Global Guts." It may have been FOX's worst idea since that dancing football robot that everybody hates.

Chutley's 2-run slice job was all Hamels, Madson, and Lidge needed to guide the Fightin's to the ever crucial Game 1 victory. It almost was a bunt single down the left field line, as Joe Scorcese opted to put the Howard shift on for Chase. If he was as smart as his glasses make him look, he would have put his fielders in the right field seats.

The Phils' aggressiveness backfired when Shane Vic was thrown out at home after tagging up on that pop fly, but it sent a message. We came to play. We came to win. And even when he's not hitting grand slams or making leaping catches, Buffalo Soldier still finds a way to lay a hit on somebody. Attaboy Shane.

About the only negative to be drawn from this game was the glaring 0-13 line with runners in scoring position. Ryan Howard looks like he just rolled out of bed, but he still has a few games to find that home run swing that's been missing through 10 playoff games. With righty James Shields on the mound tonight, look for the Big Boy to go Coco Crisp on his ass.

Tonight's score: 8-6 Phillies. Myers hits Longoria in the head (by accident) and then strikes him out 3 times. Pat Butt goes deep. And if you haven't checked ESPN yet, they stole the title from me.

Why The Phillies Will Win... In 5

Now that I got the obligatory "respect" post out of the way, it's time to reveal what I REALLY think. Like you didn't see this coming.

Here are 5 reasons, descending in order of importance, why the Phillies will win their 2nd World Series title in franchise history. Some of these are fact-based, some are simply naive speculation, and some are omens gleaned from other Philly sports writers.

5. Home field advantage: Cowbells vs. the Liberty Bell. While the Rays "earned" the right to have 4 out of the 7 games played at their concrete encased aquarium, it's more than likely that half of those fans haven't been to a Rays game this season - if ever in their lives. Hardly an advantage. On the other hand, the Rays will be playing in front of 40,000+ of the best fans in all of baseball, who have yet to see the Phillies lose at home this postseason. And if the Rays think that playing in Chicago and Boston prepared them for Philadelphia, well, they're in for a rude introduction.

4. The National League is due: To quote Jim Caple, the self-appointed asshole who writes for ESPN.com, the Rays will win for no other reason than the fact they play in the American League. Seriously, that's the only reason behind his prediction of a Rays sweep: ( http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/playoffs2008/news/story?id=3656901 ) While the NL has had its ass handed to it repeatedly the last 15 years or so, there's no denying the senior circuit is the "good guy" in this equation. It's still the Pure league, free from the DH, free from evil franchises like the Yankees and Red Sox, and free from the sense of entitlement which will doom the Rays - and the American League - this October.

3. Shane Victorino: When you're from Hawaii, and your official pump-up music is "Buffalo Solder," you tend not to get caught up in the mainland hoopla. Shane delivered big time vs. the Brewers with his TKO grand salami off Sabathia that effectively ended that series. Once again, he came up huge vs. LA with a 2-run shot that tied game 4, and set the stage for Matt Stairs to climb the steps of my heart. Expect nothing less this time around.

2. Omens: The last (and only) time the Phillies won the WS was in '80, and their closer was Tug McGraw, #45. This time around, the year is '08 and their closer is #54 Brad Lidge. In '80, my father sported a mustache. In '08, I have a wicked neckbeard. It all adds up.

1. Cole Hamels: The best pitcher in this World Series series is the dude whose nerdly approach to pitching belies his fashion model looks. There's no way you're 24 years old and left-handed with a playmate wife and DON'T win the World Series. Yes, Cole is truly man-crush worthy.. not that there's anything wrong with that.


There you have it. Five reasons the Phillies will win in 5 and send us running naked down Broad Street.

Flo-Rida: Blow-blow-blow-blow-blow-blow-blow-blow-blows

The Phillies are in the World Series for the first time 1993, and this is my first blog post since they clinched the division about 3 weeks ago. I'm feeling a lot of pressure... pressure to write the right thing, pressure not to forget anything, and pressure not to jinx a team on the verge of breaking a 25 year old "curse" in the City of Brotherly Love.

A younger, more emotional Philistine would have flooded blank pages, radio airwaves, and dinnertime conversation with torrents of premature hoopla and mockery of the upcoming opponent. This, apparently, angered the Sports Gods (See: Flyers '08, Eagles '04, Eagles '03, Eagles '02, Eagles '01, Sixers '01, Flyers '97, etc. etc. etc.) So now, while my well-compensated contemporaries write bios on Pat the Bat and King Cole Hamels in Pennsylvania periodicals, I'm going to do the unthinkable and show some love and respect for the Phillies' worthy adversary, the Tampa Bay Gays.

Uhh.. Rays.

The Tampa Bay franchise came into existence in 1998 as the "Devil Rays." Playing their home games in a stadium named after a juice drink, in front of crowds that made Major League Soccer look good, the Rays were annually the worst team in all of baseball. The Red Sox and Yankees reigned atop the American League East every year from 1998 to 2007, and the Tampa / St. Petersburg area did little more than provide beach time and good fishing for opposing players. It seemed Major League Baseball would have been better off letting Mark Cuban build a team in Mexico City.


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Then, a funny thing happened. The Devil Rays, consistently near the bottom of the standings and thus atop of the draft order every year, were able to slowly accrue a glut of young talent. Year after year, Tampa Bay filled its minor league system with prodigious weapons at an alarming rate. Boston and New York, accustomed to being able to outspend the competition, could not have foreseen the seismic shift that was about to shake the foundations of baseball's capitalist tradition. In late 2007, Tampa Bay dropped the useless "Devil" prefix and.. BOOM.. all of a sudden, had one of the lowest paid, yet most talented, teams in all of baseball. Sometimes, it's good to be bad.

The RAYS burst out of the gate in 2008, and never looked back. They won 97 games (just like the '93 Phillies) and posted the best home record in all of baseball. (Who knew playing in front of 10,000 retirees and 5th graders on field trips could be an advantage?) The rotation is headed by Red Sox killer Scott Kazmir, James Shields (got his ass beat by a man named after a breakfast cereal, but is actually a very good pitcher), and ALCS MVP Matt Garza. Their lineup features its own version of Philly's Big Four:

* BJ Upton (CF, age 24): The #2 overall pick in 2005 hit 9 homers in 145 regular season games this year. He's already hit 7 dingers in 14 postseason games. Scares me more than any other Ray.

* Carl Crawford (LF, age 27) He has been in Tampa since 2002, and is a Jimmy Rollins-type player for the Rays. Gets on base and wreaks havoc. Could have gone pro in football, basketball, or baseball (was recruited to be the QB at Nebraska). Now that's an athlete.

* Carlos Pena (1B, age 30): The #10 overall pick in 1998 hit 41 homers in 2007, and is the veteran leader of this pre-pubescent team.

* Evan Longoria (3B, age 23): This rookie stud (drafted #3 overall in 2006) is already the best 3B in baseball. Homered in 4 STRAIGHT GAMES in the ALCS. Will one day be more famous than Eva Longoria. Very scary.



Those 4 bats will be counted on to puts runs on the board for the Rays. Then, there is David Price. Drafted #1 overall in 2007, this 6'6 lefty has a devastating arsenal of pitches that turned Red Sox postseason magic into October dust. He will be called upon to get the left-handed hitting Utley and Howard out late in games.



My boozing, baseball-loving brethren: it has come down to this. The Fightin' Phils, our heroes in the red pinstripes, a franchise that dates back to the Chester A. Arthur administration, will take on the "Tampa Bay Rays" for the 2008 World Series - a team that possesses an awesome, if not quite ripe, bunch of talent.

But it takes more than talent to win the World Series. It takes timing, luck, momentum... and good karma.

Good luck, Tampa Bay.. and GAME ON, bitches.

Why We Watch

The best part about all the Phillies games I saw this year (in Philly, at Shea, on TV at the bar, on TV at the bar, on my laptop) was that it was not a total waste of time.

In case you missed it, the Fightin' Phils clinched the National League East on Saturday, putting up win #91 and making the question of what the idiots at Shea were up to totally irrelevant. The Mets, as it turned out, lost their final game to Florida on Sunday, and will not be in the Playoffs.

The temptation to write about the Mets collapse is almost unbearable. After getting kicked out of that game at Shea, my good-natured bellicosity towards the team and fans turned into a justified vigilante renegade jihad shitstorm of fury. But it's almost too hard to really hate Los Mets fans, because... ouch, that's gotta hurt. I feel bad for you Mets nerds, but that's what you get for buying stock in crumbling geezers like Pedro, Moises Alou, Billy Wagner, etc.

But enough about the New York Mess; this is all about Los Filis de Filadelfia. The Phils' final record of 92-70 is their best regular season mark since the magical 1993 season, when they went 97-65 and made it to the World Series. That Phillies squad probably had more consistent starting pitching, with Curt Schilling, Tommy Greene, Danny Jackson, and Terry Mulholland manning the rotation. But the overall talent level on THIS Phillies team, which has now won back-to-back pennants for the 1st time since '80-'81, is considerably higher.

The roster is largely homegrown, with it's core group of stars reaching the peak of their abilities at the same time. Hamels and Myers (when they have their stuff) are as formidable a front-end combo as any in the Majors. Jamie Moyer pitches around the same speed as a pre-pubescent middle school softball player, but he's the man who won the division-clinching game for the Phils 2 years in a row now. In the Playoffs, you need 3 reliable starters to win a series. The Phillies have that.

Below: The 74 year old Moyersaurus


Brade Lidge deserves some Cy Young consideration, after posting a perfect 41-for-41 season saving games. That's amazing! There were many, MANY sticky situations, but Lidge got it done time and time again. The 8th inning proved to be a trouble spot after the All Star break, with the loss of washed up insurance salesman Tom Gordon (probably my favorite scapegoat of all time) proving to be vital. If the starters can eat up at least 6 innings, J.C. Romero and Ryan Madson will be a big part of the bridge to Lidge.

The lineup has many weapson, including an absolute monster named Ryan Howard. The 2-time National League MVP (I'm going to go ahead and award it now) pretty much carried the Phillies through September, hitting bomb after bomb to left center, the upper deck in right, and Camden, NJ.


Howard's September Numbers: .345 Ave. 11 HRs. 32 RBIs. .851 slugging. 1.267 OPS. Ridiculous.

To beat Milwaukee, and beyond, the Phillies need excellence from everyone from Charlie Manuel to Tadohito Iguchi / So Taguchi. It's going to take good at-bats from Pat Burrell, base-stealing from Shane Victorino, and not-striking-out from Howard and Werth. But that's for the next blog post. For now:

THE PHILLIES WIN THE PENNANT, BIOTCH

Cockroaches... Everywhere

They were looking at me funny on the subway this morning, as if they knew I was still wearing the same clothes from last night. Schoolchildren and jobless i-bankers alike stared at me with equal parts curiosity and fear. Maybe it was because my eyes were as bloodshot as the red hat on my head, but it probably had something to do with my t-shirt that read: "Dallas Sucks... T.O. Swallows." (Ask Tony Romo... it's true)

New Yorkers, welcome to the Philadelphia State of Mind.

All the Mets-bashing this summer was just time-wasting. Ladies and gentlemen, the Cockroaches are back. The Dallas Cowgirls barely beat the Eagles at home last night, in front of thousands of nervous fans and the skeletal remains of Jerry Jones. Jessica Simpson accidentally went to the Astros-Cubs game being played in Milwaukee, and was nowhere to be seen. The pressure was squarely on the shoulders of this over-hyped version of "America's Team," and we let them off the hook.

It was a marquee matchup of two NFL powers in an early season showdown for NFC East bragging rights. As the non-funny bald man Tony Kornheiser put it: "These two teams have to be looking around and saying... Who's better than us?"

The answer to that lies in the next 20 weeks of the NFL regular season and playoffs, a grueling marathon of attrition that leaves only 1 team standing at the end. The Eagles fared well in what will likely be one of their most difficult games of the season. The Cowgirls have to wonder how good they really are, if an 8-8 team without it's 2 starting wide receivers can move the ball as easily as McNabb and Co. did last night.

The game against Pittsburgh next weekend now looms large for the Iggles. If they play like they did last night (sans DeSean Jackson's Leon Lett moment), they're going to beat the Steelers, and most of the teams on their schedule.

T.O. needs to be curb stomped.

Donovan's Last Stand

In the interest of upholding the integrity of prognosticators anywhere, this post should have been made BEFORE the Eagles 38-3 joyride over the hapless Rams. But I didn't get around to it because I'm lazy, and I also had a run in with the Pussycat Dolls this weekend (still brushing my shoulders off).

Seriously, this is quite possibly Donovan McNabb's last season under center as quarterback of our Philadelphia Eagles. But the Syracuse legend and the greatest quarterback in the history of the Philadelphia franchise still can't seem to earn the benefit of the doubt from a fickle, resentful Philly fan majority. The memory of his scatter-brained performance in Super Bowl XXXIX will undoubtedly resonate in our collective subconscious for ages, or at least until the Birds redeem themselves in the Big Show one of these years.

One misstep, one bad game, and #5 will hear the boos from the Philly faithful. A precedent that was established way back at at the 1999 NFL draft continues to echo and haunt the remade quarterback, as his street cred and margin for error shrink with each injury plagued season. But does Donovan really deserve this duplicitous treatment? Honestly, are we better off with Kevin Kolb right now, or were we any better off with Jeff Garcia in '06, or Doug Pederson in '98??



This dude is the best quarterback you have ever seen don the winged helmet, period. Granted, this post is coming after a game that saw D-Mac put up almost 300 yards passing and 3 TD's in the first half alone. We witnessed a Donovan that was not even pretending to be the scrambling impresario that led the Eagles to multiple playoff births earlier in the decade. He trotted out of bounds on multiple occasions, smartly avoiding even the slightest chance of injury. His throws were accurate, his body language confident, his game all around tight and crisp. No chest pounding or pointing to the sky after scores, either. This version of McNabb has been there, done that. Could it be that Donovan has become a true veteran, poised to finally lead this team to the promised land?

McNabb will forever have the benefit of the doubt from this Cuse alum, but the same can't be said for the typical Eagles fan (K, you reading this?). Yes, he does drive me crazy sometimes. His standard bullet-throw-straight-into-the-turf has become a staple of Eagles offensive failures, and he's definitely made the absolute least of an already weak receiving corps at times... crucial times. There is a history of Donovan coming up small in the big games, going back to his underwhelming performance at the '99 Orange Bowl for the Syracuse Orangemen. If you have doubts about McNabb's college career at SU, though, refer to the following Wiki citation:

One of the most decorated athletes in Syracuse University history, McNabb was a four-year starter at quarterback and a reserve on the school's nationally ranked basketball team. On the gridiron, he was named the Big East Conference's offensive player of the decade' for the 1990s, and offensive player of the year an unprecedented three times from 1996-98, as well as the first-team all-conference vote earner in each of his four seasons. Later, he was named to the Syracuse All-Century Football team.



As an Eagle, McNabb already owns or will break virtually every significant passing record. The disappointment from the last three football seasons in Philadelphia has obscured the sparkling highlight plays that McNabb is capable of producing on any given Sunday. He gives us a chance to win against anybody, in any game.

The point is - you're going to miss Donovan McNabb once the Kevin Kolb era starts. You're going to miss the effortless 90 yard bombs to Hank Baskett, or the sound-splitting lasers to whatever other scrubby receiver the Birds are currently employing. Kevin Curtis will be back eventually, and DeSean Jackson is beyond words at this point (post soon to come). When you throw in a healthy LJ Smith, and the always dangerous MVP-caliber Brian Westbrook, you realize that McNabb has quite an underrated arsenal at his disposal.

Next week is the true test in Dallas. Nationally televised game. It makes me think back to 2004, when the Eagles torched and embarrassed the Cowgirls on Monday Night Football, 49-21. McNabb was throwing TD's to TO back in those days, but now Terrell Owens plays for the enemy. The enemy is formidable, and this blogger will be getting rowdy for that game FO SHO.

Eagles 36, Cowboys 28. See you all next week.

"Take That China, You Little Bitch!"

Undoubtedly solving our nation's economic problems and housing crisis from his iPhone, George W. Bush presided over the USA v. China matchup in Beijing on Sunday. Flanked by Daddy Bush and Jerry Colangelo, Dubby was spotted by the NBC cameras pumping his fists gleefully after alley oops and monster jams from LeBron and Co. In an odd twist of fate, I was at home pumping my fist with him, even shouting "Yee-haw, Dubby!" when I saw him pop up on my screen. The USA Men's Sr. National Basketball Team has stirred such a feeling of national pride within me that I even applauded Bush as he left with 7 minutes to go in the blowout victory, waving to the USA Women's Basketball team who reluctantly waved back. Well done, President Bush; America is still the best at something. USA! USA! USA!



The Americans were clearly the more talented side in this lopsided affair, but the game represented much more to the 1.3 billion Chinese citizens, and a USA basketball program in a dire state of disarray. After failing miserably in Athens 2004 (and yes, anything less than Olympic Gold in a sport we invented is failure), Team USA rolled into Beijing packing heat: LeBron. Melo. D-Wade. Dwight Howard. KOBE.

While the Dream Team would probably school these dudes, the "Redeem Team" has what it takes to bring Gold back to the Red White and Blue. And compared to the rest of the Olympic coverage, this team will entertain the shit out of you. You may even remember why you love America.

Just a few observations from the Redeem Team's 1st game:



* LeBron James is the best baller in the World. End of story. Hey, Kobe Bryant is amazing, and a phenomenon on his own right. But you want to tell me that LeBron wouldn't have won 3 rings playing with Shaq in his prime? Kobe is 29, the defending MVP, and at the peak of his physical prowess. But LeBron is 27 days younger than me - 23 - and has already surpassed Kobe in pure athleticism, and is a game-changing force on the court. He is the vocal leader of this team, his boys, my generation. All he has to do is improve that outside shooting and we're looking at the next President of the United States.


* Jim Boeheim on the bench. I love how Jimmy B, the coach of the Syracuse Orangemen hoops team, is Coach K's default sidekick. Or maybe he's just there to keep the pot-smoking, drunk-driving, headband-rocking Carmelo Anthony in check.





* They fucking LOVE basketball in China. Did you see that halftime feature? It seems like every teenage boy in China dons an NBA jersey and styles himself after Lil Bow Wow.




* Chris Bosh looks like a Velociraptor. I've never seen the mascot of a team the dude plays for actually morph said dude's physical appearance. The Toronto Raptors star also bears a strong resemblance to Robbie Mark Sinclair, the awkward teen son in the classic early-90's sitcom, The Dinosaurs.


* Between Deron Williams and Jason Kidd, this team has 1 white guy. JUST AN OBSERVATION. Like David Brent, I'm colorblind, seeing neither color nor race. Oh wait, I forgot about Tayshaun Prince - make that 1.5 white guys.


* Coke commercial is 1st class. LeBron and Yao are perfect global ambassadors for the sport of basketball, and two all-around good guys. The graphics and animation were top notch, and who doesn't love Coke? Globalization is awesome.


* No Iverson = What a huge difference. As the Denver Nuggets are now finding out, AI just ain't a winner. He's a self-aggrandizing asshole who is better suited for the And-1 Mixed Tape Tour than Team USA. With his shoddy play and bickering with Larry Brown at the 2004 Athens games, I blame Iverson FULLY for ending USA's dominant run in international competition.




* I'm buying a USA #15 Carmelo jersey. Done and done.